My Shoepid Mouth Has Got Me In Trouble

What do we do when say something that we truly mean, but it ended up sounding kinda mean, so we then sorta regretted saying it? That’s what I asked myself after a lunch date I had with “Megan,” an old co-worker and friend. We don’t get to see each other very often, but we finally set up a time to do some catching up. I wore my Dolce Vita Elka Sandals in Camel, which were the first things Megan noticed when she saw me. She said “Cute shoes!” before she even said “Hello.”

We began the conversation asking about general topics, like what we’ve both been up to lately and how work has been going. By the time the food came, we stared talking about her love life. She started telling me that she signed up on a dating site after some bad luck with dating “emotionally unavailable” guys. My shoes were briefed during the car ride to the restaurant on Megan’s spell of bad luck with a few men, all significantly older than she (significantly meaning twice her age). While the guys she dated were upfront with their individual commitment issues, that didn’t prevent her from investing her time and feelings into the eerily similar quasi-relationships that would, after a few months, eventually lead to disappointment. One after the other, each of them continued to be apprehensive about going to that “next level.” I was excited to hear when Megan told me she recently went on a date with this great guy, “Nicolas.” They hit it off, and ended up hooking up after the first date. I asked if she used protection, and while she was a little embarrassed that they didn’t, she told me the truth, immediately justifying her poor decision-making with the fact that he was a physician and told her hadn’t had a partner in over a year. “After one date, how do you know he isn’t a liar?” my shoes asked and my mouth immediately followed… Before Megan even had an opportunity to respond, it seemed like the thoughts of my shoes fed the lines that came next out of my mouth, with no filter whatsoever… I couldn’t stop myself and continued saying, “These days, we just never know who we can trust. We are so careful about our health, the food we put into our bodies, and even in public bathrooms, we put liners on the toilet seats and we even hover over the bowl just for careful measure, but when it comes to guys and love, I swear, people just lose all sensibility.” In a split second, Megan’s expression changed slightly, then she asked, “Did you just compare Nicolas to a public toilet?” Well, if some people were inanimate objects, I could think of a number of people who would fall into the public toilet category, but I could see that the conversation was starting to head to the toilet, and down the drain. My lips turned inward towards each other like I was going to say something that started with a letter “M” and I looked upwards (tell-tale signs of an oops moment) as I contemplated just how to take the comment back. My Shoepid Mouth has got me in trouble, I said too much again… I could see clearly, she was offended, she said “well anyway, just dying for a subject change.” I already knew she had a string of bad relationships and there I went talking toilet seats about a guy I hadn’t even meet yet… I really put my foot in my mouth, and this time it included the shoe… my shoepid mouth!